Do you want something to get the words flowing?

I ask myself, but even that’s a lie.

If I didn’t have this, I’d be going,

Out of my mind,

Thinking too much,

Feeling too much,

Dwelling on past things that can’t be changed,

Swamped by self pity,

And angry murderous thoughts,

Kindly popping up when I find myself alone,

Waiting for a time I can return home,

But home is just a dream now,

A distant memory,

The occassional nightmare that slips in a startles me,

For all the things I’ve done, and all the things that scare me,

My monster from which I run, can’t even defend me,

Because I’ve taken to hiding behind a smokescreen.

Look deep enough and find,

The gods of Olympus,

Or any gods for that matter,

Mine was Anubis,

The god of death,

Something I feared,

Something of dread,

But my eyes are open now, I see the truth within,

There are no gods, there isn’t even sin,

Only the projections of mankind,

Personified to extremity,

Compensating for weakness, lack of control,

Crying out that we have a good soul,

Just misunderstood, and misinterpretted,

All this I forgot, when I took a few knocks,

More than a few, I hit the rocks,

So I put up a smokescreen.

I moved from place to place,

Sometimes intentional, sometimes forced,

There were those who had faith,

And some who endorsed,

The monster of my own creation.

That overcompensating creature,

A backlash of oppression,

Who would have thought, that an actor as such,

Would forget his life, and live in the script,

Engulfed by anger, at those not playing their part,

Trying to laugh through a broken heart,

And then came the green,

Such a beautiful colour,

A great state of mind,

With the tendency to smother,

Everything else.

The smokescreen.

There’s something that guides me,

When I feel alone,

The light of the moon,

She guides me home,

But it’s not a place anymore,

Just a feeling,

One I haven’t had in a long time,

One that expels the nightmares,

And the murderous thoughts,

She invites my demon to dinner,

We all reconcile,

It’s hard to believe I haven’t felt,

This good in a while,

She makes me happy,

She’s made me clean,

And she’s helped me put down,

The smokescreen.

 

By Jambo Stewart

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